I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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