I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
