HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
