Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
