You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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