Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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