he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
