I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
