dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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