i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
