Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
