just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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