all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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