just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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