Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
