Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
