Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
It's Friday. Sex?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
