I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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