I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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