worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
My ATM looks so different sober.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
