At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
