I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
