I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Randomize
