I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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