FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
