there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Congratulations! We have a period
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
