Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
