I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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