The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
