I hate your face
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
