I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
