I'm going to rape someone's good day.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
