My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
