I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
