Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
she looked like the before picture.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
