I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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