At least make sure they are 18
Why
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
