oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Is her dick bigger than yours?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
