What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
