he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Randomize
