No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
