Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
