i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
