It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
