What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
