video games are the ultimate cock blocker
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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