If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
