Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
