At least make sure they are 18
Why
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Randomize
