I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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