omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
